Are here to spend spend spend with jobs for the boys Tees Valley Unlimited will undertake to waste more Tax Payers money than any prior local Quango on Teesside. Waste and more waste without any real consultation or agreement of local people will be the basis of the foundation of Tees Valley Unlimited - using Tax Payers cash of course.

What's New

New Visions New Disasters - demolish all then wait 20 years for the Toxic Chemicals to soak into the earth as was done in the Middlesbrough Dock area..      click to view the... 
Tees Water Toxins Report and the Radioactive Spoil Reports.

What's Up Lately

Major plans are soon to be underway to employ ex Durham Coal and Cleveland Iron Stone workers, Tees Valley Unlimited intend to collect the "spoil" from the new mine workings to re-site both north and south of the river Tees. It's estimated millions of cubic metres of "spoil" will be needed to be placed along the top of Eston Hills from Saltburn in the east to Croft on Tees in the west. North of the River Tees a new mountain range will be built from Crimdon Dene Hartlepool in the East to Staindrop in the West.

Once completed these North and South of the river Tees Mountain Ranges are expected to attract world famous botanists, climbers and explorers, near to the mouth of the Tees a new Dam construction is envisaged once completed Seal Sands will become the centre of a new water sports complex, the Nuclear Power Station building roof due to it's ability to glow in the dark will be used as a new 24 hour launch point for pleasure craft and the many Oil Refinery storage tanks will become berthing places.

The river Tees at this point is expected to be around 20 ft deeper than present, the new Lakeside frontage in the South East will stretch from the proposed new Coatham Redcar Majuba Sands Sports & Housing complex this new Coatham Redcar "Sands" complex is not believed to be connected with the world famous Sands Hotel Group.

Tees Valley Lake South East will start near Coatham Redcar in the East coming in a Westerly direction following close to the route of the A174 then continue along the route of the B1264 towards Kirkleavington and Picton. The South Westerly Tees Valley Lake foreshore will swing North at Neasham close to Darlington continuing on past Redmarshall and Thorpe Theweles before joining the route of the A689 towards the Hartlepool coast this will be the North East end of the Tees Valley Lake. 

Tees Valley Unlimited hope for inward investment by Sir Richard Branson owner of the Grathorne Hall Hotel which will now take pride of place on the South West foreshore of the new Tees Valley Lake unfortunately the flooding of the Western part of the Lake will cover the Durham Tees Valley International Airport site which due to it's prior lack of worthwhile use will by the creation of the Tees Valley Lake be converted into a Seaplane Aerodrome facilities may also be provided for Boating Surfing Diving & Fishing. Trips by Seaplane around the Tees Valley Lake and Mountain Ranges are envisaged.

Hugh Grant the famous actor is hoped to be employed to supervise this massive engineering undertaking which should be amongst the biggest civil engineering projects the world has ever seen and maybe once completed ranked as the eighth wonder of the world. The plan is expected to create work for thousands of people, it was hoped to utilise the newly built Middlesbrough China Town for the mass influx of cheap labour, but apparently the Chinese are too busy creating the worlds biggest dam. Tees Valley Unlimited are now expected to utilise the mass influx of cheap labour these past few years of Polish and East European workers along with the many refugees now living on Teesside.

Once constructed the new Dam across the mouth of the River Tees will provide the new roadway South North link of Tees Valley in the East, a lock system will be provided allowing access into the new Tees Valley Lake area for Merchant Shipping and pleasure craft. The fees for using this facility are hoped to offset construction costs but a new floating casino complex is envisaged using the laid up Tuxedo Royale coupled with the ex USA Navy Ships docked at present at the Graythorpe Construction yard the exact location where these will be berthed is yet to be decided.

Before the flooding of the Tees Valley commences experts from around the world are to be invited to Middlesbrough to tender for works of the undercutting of Middlesbrough Town Hall foundations for the insertion of  oil rig platform transport barges. This in turn will allow Middlesbrough Town Hall to ebb and flow on tides and any unforeseen future floods. The same procedures may if costs allow be made for the MIMA and new water fountain feature if carried out this would be a worlds first in having a floating water fountain feature.

If the "floating" of Middlesbrough Town Hall is successful the ground floors and basements of Centre North East, Cleveland, Hill Street and James Cook Square shopping centres will be filled with concrete, upper floors being converted into shopping areas with boat berthing facilities, the roof top car parks will be utilised as "Boat Bilge" sales, a modification on the present Car Boot sales. Tenders will be invited for the provision of floating Kebab, Pizza and Charity Shop facilities.

Policing & Public Safety are to be kept at the current levels and to achieve this same level of response times for requests of Police and Middlesbrough Council Health, Safety and Environment Department attendance, both Middlesbrough Council and Cleveland Police will be provided with one of the latest in design Rowing Boats. If successful the Mayor of Middlesbrough a well known fanatic may also consider using a Rowing Boat to keep fit whilst thinking of his next Media Sound Bites. The new Middlesbrough Council Logo is thought to include crossed Sledgehammers over a picture of a Gold Nugget representing the profits anticipated by Executive Members involved with planned Demolitions Ethnic Cleansing and Gentrification in Middlesbrough. The new Middlesbrough Council theme song is thought to be one of the old favorites. - Hey Budd Spender or may be even - Diamonds Are Forever but with the added adapted verse - Within Middlesbrough Local Heritage and History Are Not. To reflect the New Middlesbrough Executive Visions. The new Cleveland Police Logo is thought to include crossed Truncheons over a picture of the Titanic and to induce support from younger members of society the new Police theme song is expected to be the old children's favourite, Row Row Row Your Boat.     

A competition is to be announced shortly for suggestions as too appropriate names and theme songs for the new Cleveland Tees Valley Water Police, prizes include involvement in Search and Rescue exercises to help the Force maintain equipment. 

Lucky winners will participate in search and rescue missions and will be taken to the Tees Valley Mountain Ranges and Lake to be left at the new Tees Valley Police Boot Camp "Granada" for the customary two weeks or so whilst the Tees Valley Police Force decide to attempt a rescue or not.

The latest suggestion for the new Tees Valley Police Boot Camp Granada theme song can be listened to by clicking here... 

Tees Valley Boot Camp Theme

Welcome to Tees Valley central at Middlesbrough a young Town with a New Vision.     

Latest Piece of Work

The new MIMA at Middlesbrough the "glass shed" was expected to be opened soon, unfortunately a delay has been announced to the opening ceremony, due to condensation and damp problems within the new building.

Middlesbrough Council Planning Department and the Construction Company are believed to have misread the plans and building blue prints supplied by Middlesbrough Executive. Thinking the MIMA structure was for use in the only growth industry at present in Middlesbrough the UK's cheapest supply area for all forms of Drugs.

The MIMA building with it's modernistic greenhouse look was thought by the builders to be intended for the growth of Heroin and Canabis providing plants. So the automatic internal watering devices built into the construction are being removed. As some experts believe these may damage the few works of art Middlesbrough Executive now claim may be hung within the building. 

The new Central Gardens are due to be opened shortly around the same time the old Central Gardens a few hundred metres away are to be built upon. The new gardens comprising of a grassed area has yet to be made official by Middlesbrough Executive if the new Central Gardens are indeed the new Heroin and Cannabis plant growth area. Thereby bringing each of the £70,000 benches into some worth while use other than expensive platforms for Skate Boarding.

Near to Middlesbrough Town Hall a water fountain style feature is under construction which as music plays the fountain is expected to cascade in sequence, the very best views will be from the main rooms in the Town Hall again this is thought to be some sort of attempt by MBC to induce fresh new blood into Middlesbrough Town Hall politics, the best view of the new water fountain will be from within Middlesbrough Town Hall so those wanting the best seats should put their names down for inclusion in the next local Council Elections.

A competition is to be announced shortly by Middlesbrough Council for a Middlesbrough Town theme tune to be played along with the fountain, early suggestions have included the 1812 Overture and film themes from The Dam Busters and Jaws.

Theme 1   Theme 2   Theme 3 

Middlesbrough Executive would like to extend a warm welcome to all the  Upper Income Earning Families we invite to live in Central Mbro. that is once our ethnic cleansing and gentryfication plans for Gresham have been completed.

Middlesbrough a young town with New Visions, we pride ourselves on our plans of "out with the old and in with new". Middlesbrough Executive are proud of their track record to date, we are soon to open MIMA, so all other town centre artistes other than those who frequent the many Pubs and Night Clubs have a place to venture. Middlesbrough can and does offer more than the envisaged "Cafe Culture" we can supply all of your needs cheaper than any other Town in the UK. So after a night on the Town in Middlesbrough why not relax with food from one of the many "Take Aways" or enjoy the company and business of one of the many escorts, drug dealers and general dealers of pleasure that the Town is world famous for. With the cheapest pleasures in the UK can we say more, but welcome to Middlesbrough     

Middlesbrough Health & Safety proud to be looking after you!
contact can be made here to send your praise 

01642-245432 voice
david_budd@middlesbrough.gov.uk
barry_coppinger@middlesbrough.gov.uk
ray_mallon@middlesbrough.gov.uk
Middlesbrough Council Executive.
Middlesbrough, Teesside, Yorkshire, United Kingdom.

Health & Safety are our watch words... Middlesbrough Council Executive plan to work with Tees Valley Unlimited placing Health & Safety at the forefront of all past, present and future ventures. We undertake to provide no matter the cost a New Vision of Middlesbrough. A New Disney Land Vision for our futures the Executive's that is has been created at great cost for this new vision Middlesbrough Central Garden. We envisage all those who work within Middlesbrough Town Hall will benefit vastly by the Central Garden features of Art Galleries and Fountains. To make this a safe and friendly atmoshere so our work within the Town Hall can go on undisturbed we will be at great cost providing a mass of security measures to keep out the "riff raff" of Middlesbrough those ordinary people who prefer living in the unprotected parts of town.  

2002 - 2006  Middlesbrough Council opened a new section due to preferential customer demand. The new Middlesbrough Planning Section  will be called Planning by Bulldozer & Moonlight calls for naming this new department Planning by Torch Light were rejected.

• Any planning applicants can use this service including
• Planners wanting to demolish Buildings of Local Heritage & History
• Advice will be given for the best ways to negate building status
• Flaws in Planning Law will be pointed out
• Private meetings can be arranged prior to Planning Commitee meetings
• Applications by other parties for the same building will be refused
• Lists will be available of the best combustible materials i.e. petrol etc.
• Historic Buildings can be demolished if you are friends or partners
• Health & Safety methods are not needed whilst demolishing buildings
• All lunatic building projects considered, the dafter the better  

MBC - Middlesbrough People History & Heritage are safe in our hands.

1986 - 2006   Middlesbrough leads the UK in demolition without development. The Middlesbrough Dock and Middlehaven experiment has been hailed one of the biggest success stories to date regarding wasteful spending and incompencey by a Local Authority, left for 20 years due to Toxins and Carcinogenic Chemicals in ground soil and water. North Ormesby comes a close second when over 100 years of Chemical waste dumping the site was covered up with gravel, grassed over and given the all clear. Middlesbrough Council lead the field when it comes to sweeping the dirt under the carpet, instead of professionally cleaning the area. MBC continue to have Toxins and Chemicals buried along with their heads under the sand.

• Despite soil & water being highly toxic new builds appear.
• Riverside Stadium built on top of a Tank Farm, Cyanide Arsenic etc.
• Manhattan Offices built near a glue factory site, Asbestos Anthrax etc.
• Middlesbrough College to be built on Toxic land in Middlehaven.
• North Ormesby land fill 100 years of Chemical dumping covered up.
• Middlesbrough repeated flooding assisted by building on flood plains.
• Middlesbrough plans to build relief road on flood plain resurfaces. 

MBC - Middlesbrough People History & Heritage are safe in our hands.